well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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