what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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