My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
