I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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