***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
