let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
