I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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