dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
