I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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