I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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