Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
