I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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