Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
