One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
