just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
