i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
