and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
