you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
