I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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