so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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