Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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