my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I deserve this hangover.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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