You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
