my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
