she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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