How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I need a burrito and a hug.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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