and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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