He asked to "fluff my boner.."
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize