Is it normal to miss your booty call?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
