Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
