Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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