would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
