yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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