how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
they need to just BURY HIM!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
