Porn is love you can see.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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