Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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