I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
