I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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