1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
