I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize