we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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