can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
