me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
