Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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