I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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