You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
