hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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