her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
