don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
