we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
