Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize