I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
