I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
