Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
