Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
