I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
