1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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