i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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