I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
