I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
