its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
