Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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