Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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