Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
