Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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